walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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