i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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