While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
