i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
did i just pee glitter
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
