I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
