im holly from the hills drunk
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
