I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
