Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
