The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i love accidental penises.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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