How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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