Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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