What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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