Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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