ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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