the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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