Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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