porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
