sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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