Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
