where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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