Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
