Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
