Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
