cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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