Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
