just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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