Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
