I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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