Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
