He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
