I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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