if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
