I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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