her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
