Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
