VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
