do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
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When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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