I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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