If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
