How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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