the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
