I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
