Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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