I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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