I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
