I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
