I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
