sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
