she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
