I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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