if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
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His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
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Come back. Shots need mouths.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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