I need to stop coming to work sober
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
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