Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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