remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
