Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
