Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
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I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Couch. On fire.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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