i just sent this text using only my big toe
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
