I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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