I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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