Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
