his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
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I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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