Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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