So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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