Do you still have your period?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
