it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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