yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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