You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
No subtext here. People are naked.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
