the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
