Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
