what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
