new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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