and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
