No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize