YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
