So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
