This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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