I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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