so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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