Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
